I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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