At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
