I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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