you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.