Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.