I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn