i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.