i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
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How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?