Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.