how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
