Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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