I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no you cant smoke seaweed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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