He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
