I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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