Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
