He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
