Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
