so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
