Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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