people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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