it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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