you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Pooping to opera.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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