fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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