Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
