Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
