I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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