I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
