Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
