Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
