So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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