I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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