Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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