but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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