tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think my moral compass just broke
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