a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
