Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
