oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
