after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
