break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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