I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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