And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Holy sore nipples Batman
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
