I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
