Reggie can tackle my bush.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
