fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
