doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
