I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
