Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
