SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
