you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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