There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
