i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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