Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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