Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
