I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
