Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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