nut hugger
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
