she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
