Someone shit on the floor
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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