Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
