remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
