he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
