Dual....:-)
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize