Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
