yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
