hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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