Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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