I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
