Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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